Letting You Go –

I am letting you go.

Not because I don’t love you, or even really at this point because “ I love myself more”… The truth is I would have ripped my own heart out of my chest, cleaned up the mess while bleeding out , while having wrapped you in the emergency blanket to comfort you. I loved you more than I can fathom, in ways that make looking ahead almost as difficult as looking behind because you are everywhere in my maze of memories. Every corner of my mind- there you are plastered on every billboard, bench back, and taxicab. Your love intoxicates me; it’s ripping through my veins; it’s breaking down my liver and I felt it and you in every heartbeat. It is because of this, not in spite, that I am letting you go. Because I do love you, I must set you free. It doesn’t change the way I way I love you, only how I love you.

I will always support you I am no longer your right side to keep you up when you’re to weak from standing strong; I am not your shoulder to cry on when the tears begin to weigh you down and feels like all too much. I loved the warmth and comfort of your body draped over me on a cold weekend morning, but my skin and bones are not your shelter anymore. I loved the security of your fingers locked into mine, but my hands are not your key anymore. I’m not the vault for your secrets, your vessel for your truths, your confidant at the end of the day, or your steady current amidst the crashing of the waves.

Truth is I’m not anything to you anymore but a cinematic collection of memories subject entirely to your narrative as is my own viewing. You’ll be my favorite movie; my rom com for the good reels; my tearjerker for the bad; my horror for how it ended; and my lighthearted drama for the “coming of age” , because regardless of our time on earth, or experience, there’s something to be said about our growth and aging through every heartbreak. Someday, though I don’t know when, you’ll be played out. I’ll quote less lines, but I’ll never forget my favorite parts. I’ll always remember you but someday the theater will play something new and the seating in my heart and mind will be occupied by different guests and scenes. The frames allow for escapism from the harsh reality of you not being here anymore with me, but as I edit so too will you. I only hope its production brings to life all your hopes and dreams because I love you and I choose to let you go as we leave this project and begin anew.

I love you and this is me letting you go.