To Fall in Love is Chaos, but to Love is a Choice
We all know the indescribable chaos that is falling in love. It’s like the whole world is coming together you can’t stop thinking about them and how they’re everything you’ve been looking for. Their smile, their hugs- lying in bed next to them; it all just feels so blissful because it is. Everything is new and exciting and if you’re lucky you connect in a way that you two both can visualize a future together-a shared vision and a special lifetime for just you two, and you believe whole heartedly that you’re meant to be together forever.
What Disney movies or our favorite Netflix romcoms fail to disclose is that after the “awe-mazzing” phase which I dub so because everything is an aww moment the first time through , is that love is a choice. Not every weekend is an adventure out on Mountain tops, not every breakfast in bed is cooked perfectly, and not every day is beautiful sunshine and rainbows. You won’t always feel that magnetic spark and attraction that drew you to each other so inexplicably in the beginning. Sometimes you’ll need space, you’ll feel uncertain, and sometimes you’ll question every decision in your life — quite frankly because that’s just apart of life, and it’s important to understand that that’s natural and okay…
But between the lulls — the boredom and the inquisition there’s something even greater the movies don’t show…raw love. The type of love that drags you out of bed at 5 am to make your partners coffee before they head to work- even when you don’t have to be up for another hour, the type of love that goes into sharing a home, the type of love that doesn’t require you to question if they love you, if they’re cheating, or if they’re spending their income on frivolous unexplained expenses that will inhibit their ability to co-create a stable environment. It’s the type of love that is day in and day out no matter what the day brings. It’s knowing your partner is there for you no matter what. You hate your job and want to find a new one? … Let’s do it ! Fuck that job, let’s find something you’ll like — we can figure it out together…It’s sincerity and support. It’s authentic trust and comfort. It’s feeling comfortable, safe, and loved.
Excitement is felt in every new relationship, but you want to feel something fucking awesome try coming home after a long shift to someone who wants nothing more than to make your day just a little bit better. Maybe it’s dinner, maybe it’s a hot bath -or some fresh flowers, but having someone who gives a fuck, and conversely giving a fuck about them is beyond anything else in this world. Don’t mistake it for easy but believe that it is worth more than any adrenaline fixing first kiss, hot sex, or slue of skydiving with tigers’ days you could ever imagine. But believe that it’s not something that just shows up the way the sun arrives in the sky every morning it takes genuine concentrated choice and effort; and you have to do it every damn day — some days the dynamic will be 80/20 some days it will be 50/50 but please for the love of all that’s good in this world don’t think that it’s free and unanimous.
It’s not a magical fairytale of mystical happiness all the time but being with someone who makes some quality jokes when you run over the neighbors mailbox for the fifth time- or helps make light of really any stressful situation in life, but is always there to help figure it out when it comes down to it is rare. Now that’s commitment our generation needs to see more of please Disney show me Cinderella yelling at her prince for washing the dishes wrong. Show us the mundane Tuesday night where he had to work at the castle counsel a little late and she’s mad AF and for the love of God please show us the beauty in choosing to love- to be there for someone unconditionally. We all know by now what it looks like to fall in love — I get it it’s fucking exciting, but show us how exciting it is to be with someone who you feel safe, comfortable, loving, caring, and trusting with. The person you get to come home and complain about work with — or brag about it, whatever, we all have different jobs. It’s about evolving with someone and sharing a life and we don’t get to choose to share just the good stuff it has to be the “bad” stuff to — the hard work, the communication, and above all else the choice to love.
Anything worth having takes effort including love. If you’re with someone you love, you share dreams and hopes with, you care about, your comfortable with, trust, are attracted to and care about — and you’re lucky enough to have that reciprocated don’t be a fucking fool and think that it doesn’t take work and that sparks and passion just coexist in a linear progression naturally without effort because if you do- you’re doing yourself, your partner, and the world a disservice. Because we need more people that believe that love and relationships are beautiful and worth working for , and our world needs more love. To fall in love is easy — it’s chaos, but to love is a choice — a beautiful, ugly, crying, smiling- through the sun and the rain , choice. We get what we put into things so if you want love, give it and quit fucking holding back; make the choice to love and quit questioning whether or not love is enough because at the end of our lives love is the only thing that was, is, or ever will be worth anything.
