You’re my drug.

You’re my drug.

The way you never go unnoticed , even when I’m clean, but at times I can forget to remember the pain that caused these scars I trace over and over.

I became friends with the constant burning desire to have just one more hit. I can’t go a day without thinking of you in my veins, but I have learned to bite my tongue at the start of your name. I have learned to shift my focus when the memories become a focal point in my mind. I have taught myself to stop openly asking and talking about you, instead I write about in the dark to no one and everyone- all the voices in my head. I see your name and have to remind myself that you’re not the only one in the world. You’re just my drug. You’ve made me feel better, you’ve made me feel worse, but despite it all you have made me feel.

I don’t know how to wash your stain from my skin, I don’t know how to get your taste out of my mouth. The weight of your body pressed into my chest. I don’t know how to make the ringing in my ears stop, or keep the sinking feeling from the drop over the ledge. The edge of remission at just the thought of just one more hit, not caring what it does to or for me just that you run through me, and through me maybe you find light and love coursing from me to you even when you’re not in my system.

But eventually, your high expires and leaves, you always do. You’re my drug and even when you’re not in me, the addiction reminds me and so I always send my love to you. For my peace but more hopefully for your own.

I don’t want your highs or withdraws anymore.

I don’t want your drug.

I don’t want you.

I send my love always.